This past November, I participated in National Novel Writing Month. My project was titled “Revenge is Sweet” and I posted an excerpt sometime during that month. I decided that it was time that I let people read more of it.
If you have read the first excerpt, you may remember that the protagonist’s parents were murdered by a man and the man was arrested. Elijah– the main character–then swears that he will kill his parent’s killer. This is where the excerpt ends. Now, here is excerpt #2 of Revenge is Sweet

“I call Obadiah Montogomery to the stand,” The lawyer said.
I watched as the man who I only knew as my parents’ killer walked to the front of the courtroom and took as seat next to the judge’s stand. He was wearing an orange jumpsuit and was handcuffed.
“One question and I will be finished. You pleaded guilty to murder and then you told me that someone hired you to do it. Is that the truth?”
“It is,” Obadiah repiled in a monotone voice.
“No further questions” The lawyer sat back down at his table.
Someone paid this man to kill my parents? Was he going to say who it was? I guessed he wouldn’t. I would have to find out one day.
The judge called for a recess and Mr. Lewis got up from beside me. I stood up and followed him. A strong scent trailed behind him. I assumed it was some sort of bodyspray. He wore it all the time and I must say that it was a pleasing smell.
“How long do you think he will be put in jail?” I asked.
“I don’t know. At the least… fifteen years.”
“I hope it’s more,” I replied, grinding my teeth.
“You and me both, kid.” A weak smile formed on his face.
Fifteen minutes later, we sat back down and waited for the jury to give their verdict. I crossed my fingers and wished for a long time in jail for Obadiah Montgomery. A very long time.
The jury filed into the room and sat. A black woman, with long dreadlocks wearing a purple business suit stood up and spoke. I crossed my finger even tighter. I saw Mr. Lewis shift in his seat.
“We the jury find the defendent guilty of two accounts of first degree murder.”
“You better,” I said under my breath.

Twenty years with probation. What probation was, I had no idea, but Obadiah was going to jail for some time. Not as long as I hoped, though, so happiness and dissapointment mixed inside of me.
I sat in the back of a car with some of my belongings. A man and woman sat in the front. Apparently I was being taken to an orphanage because no one from my family or my mom’s or dad’s friends could or would take me. Something told me that I would spend my whole life as an orphan, but I quickly killed the thought.
It was snowing, the roads were icy and cars were going slower than I thought needed. I played a Scooby-Doo game on my Gameboy but I got tired of it after a while and switched to reading a Hardy Boys book. I always liked mystery books. I always thought about how cool it would be if I wrote one in the future.
Twenty minutes later, we arrived at the orphanage. The man took my bag and suitcase and I followed him and the woman into the building. We found ourselves in a round room with a sitting area in the middle. The floor was polished oak. A desk sat a few yards away from it towards the back of the room. I guessed it was the reception desk, but no one was there. A hallway branched from the right back and left of the room.
After a few minutes of waiting, a tall woman entered the room from the hallway behind the desk. She wore her dark brown hair in a bun and had what looked like a pair of chopsticks through it. She wore an inviting smile.
She approached us and introduced herself. “I’m Aubrey Ingals, the head of the orphanage.” Her voice was friendly, light, and inviting.
The lady who came here with me and the man took a step forward and held out her hand. “Vicky Green. We talked on the phone yesterday.”
“I remember,” she said, still smiling. She shifted her gaze to me. “And this is Elijah?” she asked.
“Hello, Elijah. Welcome to Hope Orphanage.” She crouched down to my height and offered me her hand. “I’m Miss Aubrey.” I shook her hand but didn’t say anything.
“I’ll show you around,” she said, straightening. She headed towards the hallway she had just come through and they walked with her and entered a dining hall. It wasn’t large, but it wasn’t small either. Maybe big enough for sixty kids or so.
“We have fifty-five children here,” she said. “They eat all their meals here together, play games and socialize. Their favorte meal is chicken burgers, sweet potato fries and peas. We do have alternatives if you don’t like the day’s meal. Breakfast is at eight fourty-five, lunch is at noon and dinner is at five thirty.”
She led us back into the round room and pointed at the hallway to the right. “That is where the the girls quarters are. No boys are permitted to go in there under any circumstances. Understood, Elijah?” she said looking over her shoulder at me.
“Yes, ma’m.”
She turned towards the hallway to the left and entered. “This is where the boys quarters are. Girls are not allowed to go in here. I’ll show you to your room, sweetie.”
She went half way down the hall and went into the room on the left. A twin bed sat to the left and right. Two dressers sat underneath the single window in the back wall.
“You will be roomates with Carl. He’s a very nice kid and never has had a roomate, so he’ll be very excited when he sees you. He’s with the other kids watching a movie in the TV area. I forgot to show you that, but we’ll take care of it later. That’s his side to the left.”
Vicky’s partner sat my bag and suitcase at the foot of my bed. “You all set, Elijah?”
I didn’t want to be in an orphanage. It wasn’t exactly on my to-do-list of life. I wanted my mom and dad. “I guess,” I replied. Tears threatened to fall but I kept them at bay.
“We’ll leave you to get unpacked,” Miss Aubrey said.
I finished unpacking about twenty minutes after they left. I made my bed and took out a leather journal that my mom and dad got me a while back. I turned to a blank page and wrote:
I went to the orpahange today. It’s nice. Miss Ingals is the name of the lady who is the boss. She’s nice. I have a roomate named Carl. I haven’t met him yet.
I closed my journal and slipped it under my pillow. A few minutes later, a skinny boy with messy, light brown came in. He smiled. His two front teeth were missing. “Hello,” he said. “I’m Carl.”
“I’m Elijah,” I replied. I offered my hand, but Carl just sat on his bed, grabbed his pillow and hugged it tight against his chest.
“I’ve never had a roomate, you know.”
“Yeah, I know. Miss Aubrey told me.”
“We’re gonna have lots of fun together, you know,” he said, still smiling. I honestly couldn’t help looking at the big gap where his front teeth should be. I liked the kid. He was nice. “So,” he continued, “Why are you here?”
Pain made its way through my heart, body and mind.”My parents were killed by someone and no one wanted me.”
Carl frowned. “Oh. I’m sorry. Did they find the person who did it?”
“Yeah. He’s in jail.”
“He said that someone paid him to kill my mom and dad. He won’t say who, but I am going to find out one day and I’m going to make them pay.”
“My mom told me that we should let God get revenge. That we shouldn’t try to do it ourselves.”
My parents had always told me that also, but now since they were killed, I feel like I should get revenge. They said that God would get revenge in heaven and not on earth, but I wanted revenge now and here on earth, not in the future and in heaven.
“If you say so,” I said, but I didn’t agree with him at all. It was time to change the subject. “Why are you here?”
“I had a drug addict dad and he abused me and my mom. He killed my mom and I was taken away and put here.” I expected Carl to be sad and down about what he just told me, but he seemed positive and cheerful.
“That doesn’t bother you at all?” I asked.
“It did when I first came here. I hated my dad and was mad at God for what happened, but then I remember my mom and my Sunday school teachers telling me that all things happen for a reason.”
“You actually think that God had a reason for what happened to you?”
Carl sat his pillow back on his bed and leaned forward, his hands on his knees. “Of course. He also had a reason for what happened to you.”
I couldn’t believe what he was saying. How could God have a reason for his parents death? “I don’t understand,” I told him.
“Not now, you don’t, but maybe in the future.”
“I doubt it.”
“You’ll see.”
Yeah right. When pigs can fly. And I’m still going to get my revenge no matter what people have told me. I’m not waiting for God to take revenge in heaven.

4 thoughts on “Excerpt from Revenge is Sweet

  1. Evan! I really love this story and cannot wait to read more! This is great, and as I’ve said before, you really do have quite a knack for story flow and making a scene feel very real bringing forward the emotions and traits of the characters. Thanks for sharing!

  2. Nice job once again Evan! I like how you captured the simpleness of a child’s thoughts. πŸ™‚

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s